2008 is a year of rebuilding, the year of the Rat, and my 24^th birthday comes this Christmas. I aim to take a trip to Japan with my brother at that time. Nothing else is concrete, I’m trying to avoid grandiose promises.

The kitchen serves turkey testicles and bull penises, so we are able to get exactly what we wanted.

They have a strict, “No masturbation,” rule at the venue, which we may have wrongly guessed to be an unspoken rule in the general restaurant policy. They have a ridiculous menu of about 100 different items, and we have tried all of them. Okonomiyaki, (cabbage-and-egg pancake) is delicious, the Ramen is good, and they have $1.50 pints of Sapporo and Kirin. That’s pretty much ridiculous. $1.50 pints of import beer. Who’d have thunk?

Ridiculous.

Kenny’s favorite is perhaps the fried squid with his beer or the delicious fried chicken.

My favorite is THE CURRY CHALLENGE.

Eat a giant plate of curry, with 2 lbs of white rice, and 2 lbs of meat in 20 minutes or less, and receive a free t-shirt and the meal for free.

Fail, and you are out $25 bucks plus tip.

Leah and Kenny as my witnesses, I did it in 18:00. Kobayashi, you are next. Who can’t eat 61 Nathan hotdogs or 91 WhiteCastle burgers?

Takeru Kobayashi
Born	March 15, 1978 (1978-03-15) (age 30) Nagano, Japan
Other names	The Tsunami
Height	173 cm (5 ft 8 in)
Weight	75 kg (165 lb)
Known for	Competitive eating
Website Takeru-Kobayashi.com

]]> http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/bull-penises-and-turkey-testicles/feed/ 1 Chris Fox 4 lbs of food, 20 minutes. http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/pursuit-of-happyness-movie-review/ http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/pursuit-of-happyness-movie-review/#comments Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:16:09 +0000 Chris L. http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/?p=27 ]]> Money doesn’t bring happiness, but one thing is for certain, this movie is a sham.

Where are the subway bathrooms, like the one he slept in during the movie? I call a big fat BS on that one, Mister Chris Gardner.

Where is the movie on how you used that sweet internship to become rich? I saw that look on your eyes when you saw that tasty Ferrari.

sounds like a lie.

Can’t sleep at night?

Look awkward in every situation and can’t get laid?

Do you look like this awkward sheep in the farm of life?

Well, I used to be like that, and sometimes I wish I could have a personal life consultant to wade through the mud, and free up some confusion.

Leah Life Liaison has provided the jump start, I needed to boost my love, social, and work life to the rafters! At only $95 per session, you can afford to consolidate your collective inabilities into one Brand New You!

Her services are expensive; however, I’ve traded her golf lessons for these valuable lessons in life. Tonight is the first sesh at Chelsea Piers, where I will trade some fundamental swing lessons for lessons on this quandary, we call life. A place where balls come out the ground and are set up for ladies to hit automatically.  Fore!

urbandictionary defines it as…

Mushroom Stamp: when a male slaps his penis off the forehead of another individual, leaving a mushroom-shaped mark.

This post is long, I apologize, but I witnessed two mushroom stamps this month, and it was an incredible experience.  I was helpless as my friend got stamped, but I also was fortunate to deliver one in person.  It’s kinda fun, but uber embarrassing.  Don’t be a victim, avoid the shroom.

Story Number One

-A close friend on mine bought a MacBook Pro Apple Laptop on Craigslist.org.

We were suspicious of the low price, and so my friend had me call the seller, and pretended to be the owner of a “stolen” laptop.

I was like, “I work for Craigslist, and I just had my laptop stolen, I called all the people who had listings of the MacBook online, and I called all the listings online and asked for serial numbers.  I found out that you just sold my laptop to someone. So I want my fucking laptop back.”

He started to stutter, and he was very confused. He was trying to make up a lie about finding it on the subway. I told him I was going to report him to the police, and he started panicking. He freaked out, and bought it back from my friend for $500 over the price he sold it to him for. Then, I told him to pay my friend money to ship it to me. Then, I also told him to pay me $500 to not tell the police, and for all my wasted time. Anyway, so my friend got $500 dollars and a free MacBook pro, a sweet little $2300 computer. We came out ahead, as I also netted $500 from the deal……..

Scored some mad cheddar from this little beeyatch.

Crime doesn’t pay if you’re a dumbass.

-A nameless friend, Kenny Wong called me at work, and told me to meet up with this girl he randomly met. We have been trying to meet more females in NYC, because we’re tired of each other’s homo-eroticism. It’d be nice to hang out with some females, eh? I did my job and found a girl for us to hang out with, so it was Kenny’s turn. Kenny apparently thought this girl had a nice personality, and despite her ugly appearance would bring cuter friends. Kenny called me in as a backup plan just in case she came alone. Not only did she NOT bring hot friends, but she would deliver an unprecedented female mushroom stamp directly to Kenny’s forehead causing an entire night of grief. The following story is R-Rated and not for the faint hearted, because she was that ugly.

First off, the girl had a giant zit in between her eyes, which made it look

like she had a third eyeball. It was bright red, and glowing the entire lunch.

I tried not to look, so I kept my eyes glued to the menu. I silently thought

to myself, I hope we can eat, and leave immediately without incurring any

kind of further investment into this girl. Then, as we were about to

order, and she suddenly looked straight at Kenny and said, “This meal is your treat!” Bam, the stamp was on his head!

Kenny was caught by surprise, and completely froze. She ordered oysters, and Kenny was about to be out $20, treating a three-eyed monster to a delectable lunch. I was also helpless, and ordered a coke to try and ease Kenny’s shock, but was unable to move any further to his rescue. She didn’t say please, or “I forgot my wallet,” or anything of that sort. She just slapped Kenny in the face with the bill. Too shocked to have to eat with this woman again, we both didn’t say the usual, “okay, the next time is on you.” Thank you Peter Griffin for the visual. She was as round as blueberry, and with her looks already teetering on a 2 out of 10 scale, we were horrified that despite her 3 out of 10 personality, she would later drop two more points in personality by being annoyingly loud and super rude to the server. A sweet little 3 out of 20 score for this fine specimen. Kenny Wong would never fully recover, but I did my best to console him.

]]> http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/mushroom-stamp/feed/ 0 Chris Fox http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/asian-gangster/ http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/asian-gangster/#comments Thu, 17 Apr 2008 06:25:34 +0000 Chris L. http://chrismojii.wordpress.com/?p=8 ]]>

This Blog is inspired by the popular cult movie, Asian Gangster. In modern America, a detective works to bring down the drug empire of Chris Mojii, a heroin kingpin and internet blogger from Manhattan, who is smuggling the goods and know-how into the country from the Far East.